“Seasons change, mad things rearrange
But it all stays the same like the love doctor Strange”
– Lauryn Hill, “How Many Mics”
Queen Lauryn may have been referring to the rap climate with these bars, but every-time I think about the season that I’m in, I always find myself humming these lyrics. They seem to remind me that even though things change and rearrange, it’s still kind of strange. Seasons can get really weird. As I mention seasons, I am referring to moments in our lives when we experience constant feelings, circumstances, or have weird experiences for a specific period of time. These timeframes varying from days, months, and even years. You can also consider the weather when you think of “seasons.” I would assume that this is where the metaphorical term originated.
With that being said, seasons can be utterly difficult. You may find yourself in situations you never seen coming. You experience emotions that you never thought you had. You tend to always think deeply about random interactions and people’s opinions. I am just going to flat out say it… seasons simply suck! Well, at least the particular season that I am experiencing.
It has been a very odd season of transition for me. I feel as if I am in a building called, “Your Time Now” and I am having to go through each floor in order to get out. The unique thing about this “building” is that every floor has its own challenges and heartaches. Some are better than others, and the others are just plain out bad. Oh, and the most painful part… you don’t know what floor your own. It feels like you are just facing challenges, moving on, facing challenges and moving on… Can I get to the first floor, please? Eventually? Geesh!
Most people tell me that this is apart of life and I completely agree with them, but the part that puzzles me the most is the fact that no one told me how hard it was going to be, especially Christians. I mean we always emphasize Christ’s sacrifice and how His death was the most unjust thing to ever happen in history, but the reality in its application to my life never really occurred to me until I experienced great pain and suffering of my own.
In today’s culture, we love to get the good things out of life, but when the bad things come we are set to believe that life is just treating us terribly. That God will deliver us before we know it. We scream joy comes in the morning, but we wake up to the same heartache that we fell asleep too. In my case, my eyes opened tremendously. I started to see the truth about this life we’re living: (1) It’s not my own. (2) Humans are sinful, evil, and totally depraved. (3) It’s never been about me. Those points were great revelations. I would even say that it gave me a liberating view on life in the midst of my struggles but dang it… WHEN WILL THEY BE OVER!
Seriously, I am tired of being low, offended, tired, emotional, and everything else that depressed people go through. I am just tired. A big part of dealing with this emotion is being able to use my creative ability to write down my frustrations and share them with the world. Most people wouldn’t find peace in this, but for me… it’s whatever. If I can get an Amen for persevering in hope, then so be it. We persevere together. It’s not a big deal. I think we can experience a bit of freedom when we address our struggles and share them with others. Community is an attribute in Christian living anyway, right?
So, what do I do? How do I get over this mad season and rearranging moments that I cannot escape? How do I conquer the emotions of feeling lonely, broken, and misunderstood? To me, its hard to admit, but every ounce of me believes this…
One day…eventually…one day, Jesus will return and call his people home to live a life of eternity where seasons don’t bring pain and joy comes every morning. Guaranteed. There will be no need to write blog posts about sorrow and sadness. No need to reach for the hope that appears in the mist of darkness. We will live a life of satisfaction far from what our human brains can comprehend.
This is how I tend to encourage myself, by remembering. Even though I am so tired of this “season” of life, I try to remember that I won’t experience this in Heaven. I try to remain in community. It’s easy to distance myself from a Christ-centered community of people who intentions are to better serve me and offer growth through my trials. I try to remain in scripture. This is my biggest mission that I tend to fail here and there, but thanks to the blood of Jesus I can keep trying to pursue Him in His word. I try to remain in prayer. It’s comforting to have a Father that loves me more than I can ever imagine even when the world tries to tell me otherwise. I try to be better every day. Even though I am sick of this season, I am trying to remain hopeful. Trying in these dark days is all I have and all I need. I have to try. It’s apart of me.
Seasons change, mad things may rearrange
but God remains the same,
strange love, heart changed